The love for a child is unlike any other love. It is instinctive, innate and self-sacrificing. It really is a love that can not be put into words... even though I'm trying to now. Those of you who have experienced parenthood, know exactly what I mean. Having a child is indeed life-changing but it is also heart-changing. It's hard to understand how something so small and so new can take up so much of your heart.
I grew up never wanting to have children. I always said that IF I ever had them, I would adopt, but that was a BIG IF. It wasn't that I didn't like children, I did. I just didn't have that maternal instinct. Honestly, I think I was a bit selfish too. The idea of giving up myself for someone else was a bit beyond my capability. I liked doing things my way on my schedule. Doesn't everyone?
It was really about control for me. I liked being in control of my life. But if you truly love the Lord, then you come to a place where you allow Him to have control. His desires become your desires. You begin to understand that not only does He know best but He wants the best for you. I reached that place, and I began to pray about children. I asked the Lord to give me the desire for children if it was indeed His will for me to have them. That prayer was answered almost immediately. My husband and I were pregnant before we could blink, and I never once questioned it or worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it. ("I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13) So I have learned a lot in the past seven months not only about babies but about myself, about who I was, who I am, AND who I'm becoming because He isn't finished with me yet. In fact, I think He's only just begun.
Thank you, Father, for molding me, for molding my heart and preparing it for the incredible gift of motherhood. Thank you for a beautiful, healthy and happy baby boy! And thank you, Father, for allowing me to experience this unexplainable kind of love because it helps me better understand Your love for us - each and every one of us.
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