So my husband and I are leaving the country tomorrow evening and my little bug will not be going with us. I have struggled with the decision to join my husband on this trip since I made it. For a moment yesterday, I sorta worked myself up into a mini panic attack. My mind wandered into a very scary place... what if something happens to him? ... what if he feels abandoned? ... what if something happens to us? ... what if ... what if ... what if ... As I'm sure you can imagine, I began to think about canceling. I wondered how upset my husband would be if I backed out and we lost all of our money. Thankfully, I began to pray and I felt like the Lord spoke to me: "Give me these eight days. I love you and delight in you. I want to show you my land and my people. Give me these eight days. I'll protect your son and his heart but I want to do something in yours. Give me these eight days." This of course calmed me for the moment but I know that this trip will be very difficult for me. Agree with me in prayer as I prepare to leave my little guy behind.
Father, thank you for loving me and for blessing me with a wonderful son. I pray that this separation will have NO negative effect on him. Father, I thank you for protecting him -- guarding him physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I pray Lord that he will not feel abandoned or confused but only loved, loved, loved. Thank you for my family who will certainly take great care of my little man in my absence. Bless them, Lord. Thank you for providing the opportunity for me to take this trip and spend time with You. Help me to set aside any worry, anxiety, fear or doubt; help me to put my complete trust in You and be open to what You want to do in me. Father, I give you these eight days because You've given me so much more! My cup runneth over. To You be honor, glory, and praise forevermore in Jesus' name. Amen!
11.19.2010
11.16.2010
Counting My Blessings
The love for a child is unlike any other love. It is instinctive, innate and self-sacrificing. It really is a love that can not be put into words... even though I'm trying to now. Those of you who have experienced parenthood, know exactly what I mean. Having a child is indeed life-changing but it is also heart-changing. It's hard to understand how something so small and so new can take up so much of your heart.
I grew up never wanting to have children. I always said that IF I ever had them, I would adopt, but that was a BIG IF. It wasn't that I didn't like children, I did. I just didn't have that maternal instinct. Honestly, I think I was a bit selfish too. The idea of giving up myself for someone else was a bit beyond my capability. I liked doing things my way on my schedule. Doesn't everyone?
It was really about control for me. I liked being in control of my life. But if you truly love the Lord, then you come to a place where you allow Him to have control. His desires become your desires. You begin to understand that not only does He know best but He wants the best for you. I reached that place, and I began to pray about children. I asked the Lord to give me the desire for children if it was indeed His will for me to have them. That prayer was answered almost immediately. My husband and I were pregnant before we could blink, and I never once questioned it or worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it. ("I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13) So I have learned a lot in the past seven months not only about babies but about myself, about who I was, who I am, AND who I'm becoming because He isn't finished with me yet. In fact, I think He's only just begun.
Thank you, Father, for molding me, for molding my heart and preparing it for the incredible gift of motherhood. Thank you for a beautiful, healthy and happy baby boy! And thank you, Father, for allowing me to experience this unexplainable kind of love because it helps me better understand Your love for us - each and every one of us.
I grew up never wanting to have children. I always said that IF I ever had them, I would adopt, but that was a BIG IF. It wasn't that I didn't like children, I did. I just didn't have that maternal instinct. Honestly, I think I was a bit selfish too. The idea of giving up myself for someone else was a bit beyond my capability. I liked doing things my way on my schedule. Doesn't everyone?
It was really about control for me. I liked being in control of my life. But if you truly love the Lord, then you come to a place where you allow Him to have control. His desires become your desires. You begin to understand that not only does He know best but He wants the best for you. I reached that place, and I began to pray about children. I asked the Lord to give me the desire for children if it was indeed His will for me to have them. That prayer was answered almost immediately. My husband and I were pregnant before we could blink, and I never once questioned it or worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it. ("I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13) So I have learned a lot in the past seven months not only about babies but about myself, about who I was, who I am, AND who I'm becoming because He isn't finished with me yet. In fact, I think He's only just begun.
Thank you, Father, for molding me, for molding my heart and preparing it for the incredible gift of motherhood. Thank you for a beautiful, healthy and happy baby boy! And thank you, Father, for allowing me to experience this unexplainable kind of love because it helps me better understand Your love for us - each and every one of us.
11.03.2010
11.02.2010
I 'heart' U
I AM NOT A QUITTER! I refuse to give up on this blog. There will always be a million other things that I need to do but this is a need too.
Ok, moving on. Here's a little project that I made for a friend's birthday. I thought you might like to see it. It's a needle-felted birthday birdie. I made the hat a tiny bit too small so I had to glue it on after this photo. But I think it's cute. I hope it made her smile!
For those of you who check in with me from time to time, you've provided some much needed motivation and encouragement. Thank you, and I 'heart' u too!
Ok, moving on. Here's a little project that I made for a friend's birthday. I thought you might like to see it. It's a needle-felted birthday birdie. I made the hat a tiny bit too small so I had to glue it on after this photo. But I think it's cute. I hope it made her smile!
For those of you who check in with me from time to time, you've provided some much needed motivation and encouragement. Thank you, and I 'heart' u too!
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